International Women's Day 2018 - Thoughts on being a role model

In honor of International Women’s Day (I’m aware that I’m a day late, sorry! ), I wanted to talk a bit about what I’ve learned about being a role model for young children. While I’ve had a number of appearances as Miss San Jose so far, last week were my first two appearances where I got to talk directly to elementary school aged children. The first was for Read Across America Day at Don Callejon School, and the second was that same Friday night, watching my Princess Piya perform her bollywood talent at Willow Glen School.

My main message to share is that you never know who looks up to you, and you never know how the smallest of things you do can impact someone’s life. These happen to be even more true when you’re wearing a sparkly crown.

I started the day by reading to three classes at Don Callejon - 2nd grade, 3rd grade, and 4th grade. I made sure to pick books with messages that I wanted to encourage the kids to learn.

My picks were, in order of classes I read to:

• Big Enough Anna - a story about a little sled dog that was labeled as the runt, who eventually led a sled team on a 2,500 mile expedition across the world

• Henry Hyena, Why Won’t You Laugh? - a story about a hyena who used to have fun making fun of other zoo animals who eventually realizes he wants to be nice

• Interstellar Cinderella - A twist on the classic story - Cinderella wins over the prince by being able to fix his spaceship - she doesn’t agree to marry him because she’s not ready, and instead is hired as his head mechanic. Can you say Women in STEM?

I would first introduce myself and tell the students a bit about the Miss America program and all the fun I get to have as Miss San Jose. Then I’d get to read the book and lead a discussion based on it. The teacher also gave me some time for Q&A. It’s through the discussion and Q&A time that I truly realized how I could be inspirational and encouraging even through just a few words. Let me share some of the most memorable questions?

• Is the Miss America program just for prettiness?

  • I loved this question because I got to tell a 2nd grade girl about how Miss America looks for a girl who isn’t just a pretty face, but a well rounded representative who can serve. I told her she could be a titleholder someday and she got so excited - she told me she was serving by selling Girl Scout Cookies

• You look so pretty! How much makeup do you wear?

  • It took me a few seconds after this girl asked me the question to realize that it was a bit of a curveball. I told her that I don’t wear makeup that often, but I will for special occasions because it’s fun and enhances my features. But, I also made sure to tell her that I didn’t start wearing makeup until I was 18, because I wanted to build confidence and grow into myself more so that I could use makeup as a way to further express who I am, not to cover insecurities.

• Have you ever been bullied?

  • This one came after I read the Hyena book - I’d led a discussion about treating others the way you want to be treated, and what to do if someone hurts your feelings. I said that while I’d never been directly bullied, I had a hard time in elementary school given that my parents had just immigrated from Indonesia - I didn’t speak English and faced quite a culture shock when I started kindergarten. My packed lunches and snacks were always ethnic Southeast Asian food, and I found it difficult to make friends at first. This was honestly a really hard story to share, but I’m glad I did, because I saw that this precious girl was encouraged by my story. I think it’s so important for girls like her to see that someone she admires is also imperfect and struggles.

The most humbling part of the day came after I had finished reading to all the classrooms. I headed back to the library for a quick snack, and on my way passed a group of girls eating lunch. I smiled at them briefly on my way to the snack station. In that moment I didn’t even think about what seeing a girl with a crown and a pretty dress walk by means to a group of girls. As I was sitting looking at my phone, the librarian gestured for me to come talk to her.

“You’re probably so tired already, but if you don’t mind, do you think you could go talk to the group of 1st graders lingering by the door? It would mean so much to them!”

I looked over at the door and realized that a crowd of 1st graders had formed, they wanted to meet the princess. This absolutely warmed my heart. As I went to talk to them I introduced myself to each of them and asked them all their names. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two girls walk off and scream that this was the best day of their lives because they had just met a princess. One girl eventually worked up the courage to ask me for my autograph - and eventually it became more than 50 girls asking for my autograph. At first, I wrote personalized notes to every single girl, but as I ran out of time, I started just signing my name. Then, one girl asked if she could have a note addressed to her too - which is when I recognized the power of knowing that someone you admire acknowledges you and knows who you are. I thought back to when I was just a little girl who begged my parents to get every princess’ autograph at Disneyland. It meant the world to me that a princess took the time to get to know me and leave me with a memory of them.

Another big teaching moment presented itself when a girl asked why some classes got to have a princess read to them, and why her class got a fireman instead. I gently reminded her that all the readers today were volunteers who serve their community and school. Miss America is, above all the crowns and glitter, a volunteer first.

“ Miss America is, above all the crowns and glitter, a volunteer first.”

I ended the day with a heart so full, thankful for the privilege I’ve been given as a titleholder this year. Yes, the glamor of wearing a crown is always fun, but more importantly, the crown gives me a platform, a conversation starter, an invaluable opportunity to serve and impact others.

On Nathan Chen, Talent Shows and my Miss California Talent

A couple weeks ago,  I happened to flip on the TV right as Nathan Chen performed his free skate at the Winter Olympics. I don’t particularly follow winter sports, but his performance brought me to tears as he landed five quadruple jumps, the most in Olympic history. This was following his two short programs which he himself called the worst of his competitive career. He’d gone is as the favorite for the gold medal, but despite all the training and preparation, something just didn’t click when it came down to crunch time.

I think anyone, regardless of how much familiarity one has with figure skating, could feel the sense of redemption and relief he exuded through his final pose. Apparently, he didn’t even tell his coach he was going to try such a difficult and risky move, but felt that he had nothing to lose.

It was an emotional moment for me because I felt for him - and I think many performers did. As a performer, often times you get just a few minutes on stage, and sometimes it feels like the hundreds of hours you put into practice doesn’t get any recognition unless you walk away with a crown or prize. You can do everything right in practice, and then get on stage and just have things fall apart for reasons out of your control.

“ As a performer, often times you get just a few minutes on stage, and sometimes it feels like the hundreds of hours you put into practice doesn’t get any recognition unless you walk away with a crown or prize.”

I play classical piano for my talent, and I happen to also suffer from extreme stage fright. I’m not quite sure where it comes from, but I’ve struggled with playing the piano in public since my first piano recital as a 7 year old. I grew up in San Diego, where a good portion of Chinese immigrant families sent their girls to piano lessons. However, being from Indonesia rather than China or Taiwan,  my family wasn’t as plugged into these communities. As a result, I started playing piano at 7 years old, much later than most of my peers. I also went to a teacher that was considered very chill rather than one that prepped me for competitions and Carnegie Hall. This led to me feeling like I’d never measure up and that I’d started way too late, thus feeding my nerves any time I was on stage.

It’s still very hard for me to get on stage, no matter how many times I’ve practiced and how many breathing exercises I do before I go on. I think that some people assume at first glance that all titleholders are naturally outgoing and comfortable on stage, but I’m here to tell you that’s not always the case. Many girls share their crowning photos and talk about all the positive feelings they have once they win. Fewer publicize the difficult moments - I think sometimes there’s a pressure to make it seem like things come easy to you, but I know so many sisters who put in so much more time backstage than anyone knows.

Every time I step on stage is an internal battle for me, because I’ve had performances that went perfect, and others that go sour 20 seconds into the song. But the beauty of competing is that you eventually learn that all you can do is prepare and pray, and the final result and performance is up to God and fate. You learn to cherish your moment on stage and to appreciate the full journey rather than just the result. This is a lesson that I find relevant to anything that I’ve really wanted to achieve. When you focus on the results and the selection rates you can’t help but be discouraged, but you need to remember that those factors are typically out of your control, because people are subjective, and you have good days and bad days. What you can do is focus on the things you can control - your effort and your attitude.

I was reminded of this as I got to watch my Princess, Piya, perform at her elementary school talent show at Willow Glen last Friday. She performed a fun Bollywood piece, and as I was watching her and the other excited kids perform, I was reminded about what performing a talent is all about. The acts I loved the most were ones where I could just tell the person on stage was just having fun, regardless of technical ability. A 7 year old boy danced to Ghostbusters, a group performed a ballet routine but with funky masks on, another group performed a skit and re-enacted a game show. They were just kids having fun, and they weren’t striving for perfection - they just wanted to share their love for something - whether music or comedy. This enthusiasm and passion was infectious among the crowd that was cheering and laughing throughout the whole 3 hour show.

Sure, talents involve an aspect of technical prowess and polish, but at the end of the day I’m reminded that what performers do best is connect with people watching. It’s about loving what you do and being able to share something you love - and these aren’t things that you need a crown to do.

My Platform: Why we need women in leadership

Hello everyone!

Welcome to the revival of my personal blog. It's been almost a year since I last posted. I'll be using this section of my website to keep you updated on my year as Miss San Jose with the Miss America Organization.

This week was a busy one, due to several events I hosted to promote my platform as Miss San Jose - SheEO’s - Women in Leadership. In chronological order, here’s what I’ve been up to:

• Tuesday: Led a workshop on Personal Branding at Gunn High School’s Women in STEM Club

• Wednesday: Hosted the first of a three part panel series I am working on with the Stanford Management Science and Engineering Department titled “Women in the Field”

• Thursday: Led a workshop on Building Your Personal Network at Palo Alto High School’s Future STEM Leaders Club

In the meantime, I was also fundraising and creating partnerships for Miss California. To reach my fundraising goals for the Children’s Miracle Network as well as for the Miss California ad book, I’ve picked up freelance photography again, and this week, was out shooting for 8 hours for about 80 students. I’m also excited to be working with Hair International and SoulCycle in Palo Alto to help me reach my hair, beauty, and fitness goals for the big week in June! Another fun perk - in the spirit of my platform, I got to hear Marne Levine, COO of Instagram, speak at Stanford Women in Business’s annual tech week. “Don’t mourn the breakups for too long” was her biggest piece advice for students my age.

MY PLATFORM: SHEEO'S - WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP

Before I jump into a play by play of my events, I’d like to tell you a bit about my platform. As a senior now, I’ve completed internships in a few industries - tech, finance, and venture capital. Despite these being traditionally very male-dominated fields, I’ve been lucky enough to have had a lot of support in all three industries - whether through a formal Women’s Network, or informal mentorship from female leaders at each firm. I’d be lying if I said that every experience was perfect and supportive, but the worst I’ve ever experienced sexism in the workplace has been a male manager calling me “sweetheart” in a condescending manner or constantly getting interrupted/mansplained in professional settings.

There’s certainly more horrifying stories of women who find themselves victims of biases - both conscious and unconscious, but it was in these settings where I wished I’d been prepared earlier on for the challenges I’m bound to face in the real world. It’s proven that more gender diverse leadership teams benefit everyone - from company culture to the bottom line. These benefits create overall stronger and safer workplaces. But women are also known to negotiate less and underestimate their qualifications. They also often lack mentors who can support them as they move up in an organization.

Throughout this year, I’m excited to continue working with youth to help them build these leadership skills early on in their lives, so that once it comes time for them to enter the workforce, they feel ready to take on the world.

Off my college campus, this will consist of outreach to local high schools as well as partnerships with existing organizations for girls - ones with research and results proven methods that emphasize mentorship. On campus, I’m working with my master’s department - Management Science and Engineering - on a speaker series to encourage more women to join the field. While my platform supports women in all fields, I feel most passionate about STEM given the opportunities it provides women as the fastest growing industry in our economy.

TUESDAY - PERSONAL BRANDING WORKSHOP AT GUNN HIGH SCHOOL - WOMEN IN STEM

In the past, I’ve found workshops like these so helpful because they taught me about all the things I could do to shape first impressions. I had the girls write down all their best qualities and strengths, helped them craft individual branding mission statements, and then create action plans on key activities they could do to make the statements a reality. Among the pleasant surprises was remembering how colorful a high school classroom is, and a slight feeling of nostalgia thinking about my past involvement high school student groups. I love that the Women in STEM club exists at Gunn - they host speakers throughout the year and also teach coding through fun activities like creating online greeting cards. I admire their initiative and their support for each other and can’t wait to see them again!

WEDNESDAY - WOMEN IN MANAGEMENT SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING AT STANFORD UNIVERSITY

I remember going to a panel like this in my freshman year, and it was so crazy to think I’m now helping run them. As you might imagine, a lot of people don’t know what Management Science and Engineering is. It’s an interdisciplinary major that essentially combines business and engineering. The specific concentration I’m in is called Technology Engineering Management, and I chose it because I want to be a tech entrepreneur someday.

The panelists really made this event. I got to meet Annie Kwon of Workday, Jeannie Kahwajy - CEO of Effective Interactions, Maria Brandt - Founder of Plan4event.com, and Megan Lin of Dropbox. Initially, I had setup the panel so that they’d be sitting in chairs up front like a professor might, with students sitting in chairs at desks. They asked if we could have everyone bring their chairs down to make the event more of a roundtable, informal chat. It’s crazy how quickly the atmosphere changed - from one with some slightly nervous energy to one that was warm, approachable, and friendly. I love that our panelists broke down that wall, and opened themselves up so generously.

Annie brought up a good point when she said she wished there were more men in the room. She had previously worked with Sheryl Sandberg at Leanin.org, and what she was saying was something that I think should’ve been so obvious to me. Women need allies, and for that, men need to join the conversation. They need to be in the room when we talk about the issues we face, because otherwise they will never know.

THURSDAY - NETWORKING 101 WORKSHOP AT PALO ALTO HIGH SCHOOL - FUTURE STEM LEADERS

I’m so glad I had the chance to action Annie’s comment at a co-ed club!  Earlier, I touched a bit on the value of mentorship. Every job I’ve had so far, I got in large part due to the help of a mentor, whether it was preparing me for interviews or because of someone who graciously replied to a cold email. I sat in a workshop like this my freshman year when I was a part of a student run consulting group called Stanford Marketing, and what I thought over and over again after it was that I was so thankful to have learned the content so early in my college career.

This group blew my socks off. First off, I think any time you’re giving a talk, you’re slightly worried that people won’t find your content interesting, or that there will be an awkward silence when you ask if there are any questions or comments. I loved how engaged and inquisitive they were. They asked a lot of questions about how they could use the tools from the workshop in their daily lives - one girl had a research position with a Marine Biologist and another was shadowing a Partner at a Venture Capital firm. They wanted advice on how to make the most of their gigs. Crazy because I think of my senior year in comparison, and all I can say is this next generation is killing it!

Thank you so much for reading. Hoping to get back into blogging and give you all updates every 2 weeks or so. As always, let me know of any thoughts you have <3