Back to the Golden State

Hello world! Crazy to realize it’s been 2+ years since I’ve posted anything or updated this site.

Since then, I spent my first 2 years out of grad in the Big Apple. Like many, I set out to accomplish so much in NYC - I wanted to quickly get up to speed at my first job, finally launch my fashion blog and workwear line, hone my craft as a professional photographer, spend every weekend exploring a different indie neighborhood, etc.

I quickly realized the city was much tougher than I thought it’d be. I found myself exhausted by having to be “always on.” So, spoiler alert, the laundry list wasn’t completed! Perhaps the most important thing I learned in NYC was that not every season needs to be about moving forward a list of ambitions. Some seasons are for reflecting and sitting still, and that itself is a blessing.

Moving away from my friends and loved ones forced a level of maturity and independence on me that I never would’ve experienced staying here in California. That being said, I couldn’t be more stoked to be back in the Bay Area - I’ve missed it so much!

As always, I express my feelings so much better through images than I do in words, so here are some highlights and shoutouts from the last 2 years. I didn’t get to shoot nearly as much as I wanted, but thanks to everyone who made this time so special!

That being said, thanks to an extended period of work from home, I am currently working on a new photo/content project - so if you’re a millennial aged woman working in the SF corporate world, please lmk if you’re up to do a free photoshoot in exchange for a quick interview. DM me for details!

And if we were close in college or through my time in the Bay but haven’t spoken in ages, let’s please grab a socially distanced coffee soon! :)

1. Doing my first shoot with a dancer! Thanks Sammy :)

2. Friends who came to visit!

3. Got a quick session in practicing with night photography! And congrats to this newly engaged beauty !!

4. Got an unexpected chance to serve in the Miss America Organization for one more year!

5. Braved long distance with this one! We’ve come a long way since dates in the dining hall :)

6. A chance to shoot one of my best friends from high school back home in San Diego

7. Apple picking! The Stanford 8 crew made my time in NYC - this is a crew that came together over cooking dumplings one day. Sadly we didn’t take enough high quality pics, so I cheated and some of these are from my phone!

8. A long distance friendship maintained with the lovely Sarah Bui! Boston to NYC! Also all by iPhone.

The Start of Stanford Spring

I find it absolutely crazy that I am 3 weeks into my second to last Spring quarter at Stanford. Thankfully, I can safely say that there was no better way to kick it off than a trip to Maui with two good friends. 

My advice? Pick a few friends to travel with to make a group sized small enough for bonding, large enough to avoid boredom. Pick a location that has all the perks of typical college spring break trips like Cancun and Cabo, but that's a bit more laid back and cultural. Pick a place to stay that's right on the beach so that the first thing you wake up to each morning and go to sleep to each night is the sound of gentle waves. Enter - a week full of laughter (sometimes at inappropriate times), singing during insanely long car rides, traditional luaus with an open bar (sad face because 2 of us were under 21), and of course, sunburns, my absolute favorite. 

An overview of our trip and my favorite highlights-

• Day 1: Arrive in Maui mid day. Secure a rental car from Hertz and push for the lowest fare despite a smooth talking, tricky saleswoman. Arrive in Lahaina to our little house on the beach. Discover Fish Market, an amazing lunch place a minute walk way from our place. Rest of the day spent relaxing on the beach - accompanied by two turtles who get very close up to us. Fun fact - there's a $10,000 fee for touching turtles. Don't ask why we know.

• Day 2: Road to Hana! - A scenic drive with many stops along the way. Stops range from a waterfall to black and red sands beaches - products of volcano eruptions. The first of many acai bowls for dinner.

• Day 3: Drove to the summit of Haleakala- it's a pretty sick view from the top. Apparently, seeing the sunrise from the summit is rather magical, but that would've required us to start driving at 3 am. On the way, we stopped at Paia, a town on the way for some window shopping and food. Topped of the long day with a fancy dinner at Leilani's. Yes, going back to college dining halls has been just a bit hard.

• Day 4: Our chill day! Took some time to lounge around the house, watch Gossip Girl, and check out Lahaina town - which had more shopping and food, as always. Had more Acai, then headed to the iconic Kaanapali beach. Essentially, I welcomed my full body sunburn with open arms.

• Day 5: Snorkeling and Luau - our attempt at being super cultured. We started the day off with a snorkel tour at Molokini crater and then turtle town. I've wanted to swim with turtles since I watched Nemo, so this was my absolute fave. We ended the night with the Royal Lahaina Luau - learned how to hula dance a bit, talked to a very nice older couple, watched some very fun cultural dances as well as a couple get awarded for 60 years of marriage (which again begs the question, what were three clueless teenagers doing there again?)

Spring break is a time where you can be completely unproductive, engage in self-care for a week, and be completely okay with it. As a busy Stanford student, this is quite a luxury and a good reminder to do things for you once in a while - not for your Google Calendar or your future, but just for you, here and now.

Also, I was super excited to take my camera out for the first time in a while. I was somewhat rusty, and out of laziness I've experimented with simply using the enhance function on Apple's photos app for editing rather than Photoshop or Lightroom. 

Thank you to my two beautiful friends for being so easy to shoot :)

Better late than never...

Just a couple months ago, I'd just come back from my Southeast Asia trip. I had a list of a million things I'd do differently and felt ready to take on the world. I promised myself I'd make more time to do the things I love to do outside of work, and even had a schedule of blog topics that I wanted to write on.

Obviously, things didn't quite work out as planned, if you didn't already guess based on the grand total of 0 posts on my site during fall quarter. It's hard to recall every single detail of fall quarter - it already feels like a blur, just like my summer. As much as I told myself that sophomore slump did not have to be a thing, this has by far been my hardest quarter at Stanford so far. 

In some ways, this quarter felt like a black box. There were things that I wanted to accomplish, but I didn't quite know how to start. I put in as much effort as I could, but had no idea whether any of it would pay off. I think that's how you know when you really want something - if you're willing to risk dedicating all your time and energy to something with no guaranteed return.

A Lesson on Faith

I've learned a lot about the nature of faith - trusting that when you feel like you have no control, or things seem impossible, that it's all happening for a reason, and that wherever you end up is where you're meant to be. As someone who loves to plan every step of my life out in advance, relinquishing control drove me crazy. I hated that I couldn't predict things, and I hated waiting around for results. I can't say either of those things are fun even now, but I think an element of uncertainty is necessary for personal growth.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

— Hebrews 11:1

Testing my Limits

In the past, my workload had always consisted of a mix of technical and fuzzy classes, so I had a mix of problem sets and essays. This quarter, all my classes were technical, meaning two psets and a programming project each week was the norm. Adding on a part time job, recruiting, and too many extracurricular activities, this led to quite a few panic attacks throughout the quarter. I snapped for the first time when I realized I had to study for an interview on the Friday of dead week and three finals on the Monday right after. 

The moment I came back from Thanksgiving break, my schedule consisted of getting up in the morning at around 8 am, eating breakfast, and then taking practice tests all day, only stopping for meals (if I could fit them in). I'd go to bed around 1 am and repeat the cycle.

The Sunday night before my finals day, I'd planned to study until the last second before going to bed. Instead, my eyes got too tired from staring at problems all day and my head felt like it was going to explode around 4 pm. I put my study materials away and didn't glance at them again even once before I took my finals. I went to bed around 9 pm that night. Not what I'd planned for. 

That, I believe, was my limit. 

Since I was little, I've been told that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. This always drove me to go for the things I was passionate about. A lot of times, I wasn't naturally good at something, but I would put in ten times the work as everyone else to get to where I wanted to be.

The realization that there are things that won't work out no matter how much effort you've put in is at once devastating and liberating. It's devastating in the sense that one little thing or a stroke of bad luck could throw off all your hard work, but liberating because you come to realize that the result isn't always in your hands - it's in God's. All you can do is put in your best so that you can look back and say that you couldn't have worked any harder.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

— 1 Corinthians 10:13

So, the question becomes - is it worth it? I would say yes. I learned that I'm capable of pushing myself to the point where I can literally no longer function. I learned that rejections hurt, but that the world doesn't end after one, and most of all, that they just make victories that much sweeter.I learned to surrender control because I had no other choice.

Good People

The quarter was a gentle reminder to thank God for the wonderful people I have in my life. I'm so thankful for the people who I can reach out to when I'm falling apart and trust that they'll be there in an instant. While it's important to maintain a balance of pre professional and academic excellence, people are most worth investing your time in. There's not one study break I regret taking to go spend time with someone I care about.

Post-finals, I spent a couple days on the east coast. The escape from the bubble was much needed, and it reminded me that even the smallest things like grabbing a meal or walking through a street at night can feel absolutely perfect when you're with the right people.

Home Sweet Home

I think growing up in a beautiful place like San Diego spoiled me a bit. I took so many things for granted and didn't quite realize how lucky I was to have so many great places in my backyard. Well, after my first full week of Winter Break, I must say - my hometown is better than yours. 

I'd love to hear about your struggles/big wins over the last few months! Other thoughts?

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